it's official...

yay finally got water baptised :D

and yea it's true. you'll feel more at peace with other people and in the face of the storm you could actually have the capability to smile it away :D


since yesterday 3pm I'll be officially known as Zechariah (Zac-ka-ra-ya) and will be responding to you calling me that :D



you still could call me by my old names though...I got alot of names to be called :D

a new name

hey phantom readers!


on the 30 this month, your beloved blogger is changing his name to Zechariah!! :D


ok so here's how it wind up to this...

first of all, my first name "EUGENE" is...

English form of Eugenius, the Latin form of the Greek name Ευγενιος (Eugenios) which was derived from the Greek word ευγενης (eugenes) meaning "well born". It is composed of the elements ευ "good, well" and γενης (genes) "born". This was the name of several saints and four popes.

This name was not particularly common in Western Europe during the Middle Ages. It became more popular in part due to the fame of Prince Eugene of Savoy (1663-1736), a French-born general who served the Austrian Empire. A notable bearer was the American playwright Eugene O'Neill (1888-1953)

and as all of you can see/read, I'm quite well off already (read all the previous posts and see how blessed I am) :D


so I wanted a new name and I didn't quite know what I want. so I made a guideline:

the new name must be something that will remind/make me into a person of that character of ther person that is called by that name

so I thought, I asked and I prayed and quite finally I got a vague answer: Zack

there was someone else I know known as Zack...so I expand on it and arrived at Zechariah :D

and the meaning of Zechariah is...

From the Hebrew name זְכַרְיָה (Zekharyah) meaning "YAHWEH remembers". This was the name of many characters in the Old Testament, including the prophet Zechariah, the author of the Book of Zechariah. The name also appears in the New Testament belonging to the father of John the Baptist, who was temporarily made dumb because of his disbelief. In some versions of the New Testament his name is spelled in the Greek form Zacharias. As an English name, it has been in occasional use since the Protestant Reformation.

and interestingly I found another variation of the name Zechariah:

ZACHARIAH
Variant of ZECHARIAH. This spelling is used in the King James Version of the Old Testament to refer to one of the kings of Israel (called Zechariah in other versions).



God...remembers

0 incoming

no one's visiting my blog anymore >_<


I might as well shut this down again...





so dear phantom readers...please don't be shy to spam my Cbox...




please..... >_<

I was angry...

and I was frustrated.


I was quite young when I first discovered this maddening rage that I have...


made some wrong choices of words too...and that lifestyle changed my life...


I had never known what will happen in the future then.


I thought it will be better to be like that, out of so many different personalities to have I chose this...

From young I never really make friends because I was told not to go to other people's homes, not to borrow anything from anyone. Basically, don't give people a chance to make you owe them a "favor".

so I because a loner. and I liked it. I don't know why but I like it. But there's this frustration and anger that tags together with it.

over the years I have learnt to live with it, thinking that it's nothing wrong, just making my presence felt.I strive for people's attention all the time, now that I think of it..doing crazy things, saying crazy stuff


then came 1 day I decided to control myself for a change...but my fustrations didn't let it. so I decided that whenever I was to be angry I will hold it in and not allow it to explode externally. The result is hyperventilation. First time it occurred it was painful. and it was like a few years since I really felt pain. I couldn't move. I was breathing but it seems that nothing is flowing into my lungs. took quite a while to get out of it but it took a toll on my entire body's muscles. I had body aches for like 3 days...


then I tried to be more optimistic. I tried to interact with other people and I got a better results. I don't feel angry all the time because I started to accept people acting the way they are and there's nothing you can do about it. but whenever I felt anger, it was as bad as ever, just that the control was greater over it. and with the anger, compulsive thoughts come into my mind... different scenarios of how will the situation turn out runs through my mind and my compulsion will try to choose 1 of them for me to act it out. most of them are bad. really bad. sometimes I see stuff like I took the offender's head and slam him face first into the ground. I don't think I'm capable of doing it but with those thoughts tempting me, I might attempt at it.

I don't know why I have such compulsive thoughts. I don't like them and I want to get rid of them. I don't like to be violent, and I don't want to hurt myself anymore.

it time for you to go. and when you go, take your friends with you.

unhappiness...

I'm not happy to be here...


seriously...I was never happy here ever since the day I came into this place

there's a lot of politics going, everyone hates everyone and wishes each other to do well in detention

"when there's a problem, you die yourself, and I will make sure you get to die for it" seems to be a fitting statement for this place...

each political statement made is back up by another political statement to try and cover up the first political statement made

I don't know if this is just the work of 1 person or this is how this place is supposed to be...






politics